Rainy Days and Loaf Cake

Today is one of those gray, rainy days that makes you want to stay at home, sit on your couch and read a good book. (With a side of hot tea and a slice of lemon blueberry loaf cake, ideally. Hypothetically.)

But, how many of us really have a lifestyle where we can actually do that on a random Thursday? Not many. I sure couldn’t for the past 20+ years.

My days were spent working a demanding job where I had significant responsibilities, making it happen – at work and home – to keep everyone counting on me satisfied, trying to keep pushing ahead, doing, achieving, performing. Feeling the pressure to succeed, to be enough.

Calling an audible to stay home and read a book on a rainy day was not an option. I have to keep all the plates spinning. Why? Because, that’s what I am supposed to do.

That, and the fact that I am not a good “slower-downer” if I’m being honest. Because slowing down means putting away my lists and “to-dos” – the things that give me (false) purpose and meaning. (I mean come on, I have at least three lists either written on a piece of paper in my purse or in my head.) Producing, doing, achieving, performing – typically for the benefit of someone or something else.

But, I am in a new season of my life, one that does allow me to move at a slower pace and use my time in ways that benefit myself and those around me in softer, more meaningful ways. I left that demanding job and have been my own boss for a year now, in charge of my own schedule. (Side note: I am super grateful to be in this position, and I know that so many don’t have that privilege or ability.)

If I’m being honest, I fight the productivity mindset every day. And, being your own boss has its own unique set of challenges.

But, I am also finding it easier to slow down. To structure my days in ways that nurture both my business and my soul, which I think makes me a better wife, mom, friend, daughter and human in general.

I’m rediscovering parts of myself that I had forgotten or had been buried under so many years of responsibility and doing the things.

I took a calligraphy class. I learned how to knit a chunky blanket. I redecorated rooms and tried new recipes and took walks in the woods by the river. I’m refinishing furniture and writing (here and also just for myself). And I have a million other things on my “I want to do” list.

And, on this rainy day, I crossed one more thing off that list: I picked out a good book (or three) and sat on my couch to read.

And yes, with a delightful cup of hot tea and a slice of loaf cake.