Refreshment

Well, hello there friends. It has been a minute, and I am so glad to be here again.

You know how some days seem like years, and some years seem like just a few days? That feels like how I’ve experienced this past year. The months have been marked by some really hard things – sickness, longing, silence, challenge. And they have also given way to incredible blessings of new chapters, healing, refreshment, renewal, answered prayers.

At times, it seemed as though this season would never end and yet, looking back, it passed so quickly.

I think when I look back years from now, this season will be one of those pivotal “moments” in life, when things came into focus in a way that I didn’t even realize was possible, much less needed. And my heart will be bursting with gratitude.

But if I am being honest, I sort of feel like I’ve been shot out of a cannon.

The end of 2023 brought the closure of a particularly difficult season that held so many ups and downs, twists and turns. The kind of experiences that blindside you and make you wonder if you can handle it. I found myself questioning my decisions, my priorities and my abilities. My purpose.

Did I make the wrong choice? Should I have stayed? Should I have acted sooner? Why didn’t I see that? Am I focused on the right things? Is this what I am supposed to be doing? Why is this happening? What am I lacking? The questions kept coming. My inner critic was flexing her muscles. She was loud. And she was telling me I had failed.

But my faith was stronger, and God’s voice was louder.

With the New Year came the excitement and promise of newness. A new professional chapter, new ways of caring for myself, new experiences, new perspectives, new approaches. It’s been a refreshing of my mind, body and soul. And it has filled me with anticipation and hope.

Refreshment. Renewal.

My word(s) of the year.

Oh, so very welcome. And so needed. (More than I realized.)

Has this year been easy? Not by a long shot. There have mountains so challenging to climb, I was certain they might be the end of me. Unexpected turns on this journey that have been dark and filled me with fear to my core. But I have also learned new ways of being and living. I have felt God’s hand stronger and heard His voice clearer than ever. With certainty. And peace. Promising His mercy and goodness.

As I write, I am filled with an energy I haven’t felt in a very long time. I have stretched and grown and experienced life with new perspective. I’ve let go of some things that had been holding me back (and still have some to learn to let go).

I’m learning to be kinder to myself. To embrace my passions and be confident in who I am and what I bring to the table – something that had slowly and quietly faded into the background.

I am learning to let go of black and white and embrace the gray. And it turns out, that is where the most beautiful colors live too.

I am settling into this place of exhale.

There are certainly storms ahead, and many I am also certain will feel insurmountable.

But I also know that the Lord is bigger than all of it. He renews, gives life. Refreshment.