On Turning 45

Today is my birthday. I am 45 years old – that feels so strange to type. 45. I remember hearing my grandmother talk about how fast time flies, and then hearing my parents echo the sentiment. Now, I’m beginning to understand…

I had a “me day” planned. I was going to get up and have my coffee with pumpkin spice creamer in my cozy sweatshirt on the porch, and then get ready and head down to the trendy shopping area to use some gift cards and browse through places like Pottery Barn and Williams-Sonoma. I’d stop in at Starbucks and get my free coffee for the day and maybe make a few purchases, and then head home to have dinner out with my family followed by cupcakes and wine with a viewing of Charlie Brown’s “The Great Pumpkin” or an episode of “Somebody Feed Phil.” 

And while that would be a delightful way to spend my birthday, the reality is I didn’t sleep well last night, and it’s a dreary day, and Halloween traffic is the literal worst in Atlanta, and I just feel like hanging out at home in my yoga pants. 

This is real life people. And it’s a beautiful one…

I love my home. It’s my very favorite place to be. And I love my yoga pants and the view of the changing leaves in the backyard from my couch with the fall candle lit on the bookshelf behind me. I love seeing my pups snuggled up sleeping in their spots and the humming sound of the washing machine swishing a load of towels. I love drinking tea out of my pumpkin mug, and I love the flowers from Costco my husband surprised me with this morning on the counter along with the wedding cake flavored cupcakes I requested. 

Some people use their birthdays to make elaborate goals or plans for the coming year, but birthdays always make me a bit reflective. And this past year has been a pretty big one for me in a lot of ways. 

Perhaps one of the biggest changes for me this past year was leaving my full-time corporate job to pursue becoming an entrepreneur and to explore other creative desires. We had been thinking about this (e.g., praying, dreaming, planning, plotting) for several years, and God made it very clear that this past April was “the moment” to take the leap.

To trust Him and His plan.

It was one of the scariest, boldest, most energizing things I have ever done. 

And while that change was scary, I am beginning to see how it was the catalyst for some other lovely and soul-nourishing changes to begin to emerge.

Learning how to slow down and sit in a space of rest and quiet has been one of the greatest gifts of this change. I don’t think I really realized just how busy I was for the sake of being busy until I actually intentionally sat in the quiet with myself. It’s where I am able to think…pray…dream…connect. It recharges me. 

This change has also allowed me to lean into the things that make me feel the most “me.”

I can now do meal planning and grocery shopping during the week, and I have time to cook and try new recipes. (This may seem like a chore for some people, but cooking has always been a source of joy and creativity for me.) 

I can spend time taking care of things around the house, and making it feel more like a home with brain space to be creative and intentional about decorating or finally getting to “those” projects that never seem to get done. 

I can spend time loving on the people in my life that matter the most. Evenings at home with my family. Coffee with parents, lunches with friends, visits with neighbors. And more important than the physical time, the heart time – praying for, listening to, lending support. God’s timing is never late, and even in these short 6 months, He has shown me clearly where He is asking me to serve and love – in ways that I would not have had bandwidth to do before. 

And, I can now spend intentional time pursuing creative things that energize me (like writing this blog) and bring me a renewed sense of joy and individual identity. Going so fast for other people for so many years, I had lost my sense of self. My sense of creativity, spontaneity, fun. (I have always been a rule-follower, but I was becoming quite the buzzkill unfortunately.)  I’ve always loved creating things – it’s part of why I love cooking so much. Art class was my favorite class in elementary school. I love writing – the art of choosing just the right words that bring a certain feeling or image to life. I love decorating anything, planning parties, organizing a closet, arranging flowers, etc. 

And I had lost that spirit. But, in these past months, the fire of creativity is slowing being re-ignited and inspiring thoughts and ideas are beginning to seep into my soul and sparks are flying.

I am rested. Energized. Excited. Flourishing.

But most of all, I am thankful. Thankful for this gift the Lord has given me. Thankful for His faithfulness and teaching and kindness. 

Here’s to another year!