I have things to say.

Writing has always been therapeutic for me. I love putting sentences together and finding just the right descriptor for what is in my mind that will be poignant and meaningful and paint a specific picture in the reader’s mind. And bring a smile or laugh or moment of connection.

But that was before. When it was just for fun in my spare “creative” time or for my “real” job (i.e., the one that paid me and provided benefits).

Now, when I have committed to making writing a routine in my personal life, I’m struggling to know what to say, to figure out what I have in my heart.

I’m sure part of that is because my thoughts are all jumbled and numerous – they are not neat and orderly, there’s not a “theme” and they feel all over the map. (The organized, list-maker in me is nearly paralyzed.) But you know what? That’s how I feel a little bit myself right now too. All over the map. Going back and forth between extreme gratefulness and then worried and fretting because I cannot see how life will all work out.  

So, I’m just going to say what’s on my mind and heart and hope that it resonates. That maybe there is someone else out there who feels or thinks the same things and feels connected or seen. I’m not the first woman to have the struggles I do. Not the first wife on the planet. Not the first stepmother on the planet. Or daughter, or friend, or neighbor or Christian or coworker.

But, I am me. And I have a unique experience that is only mine. And no one else has the same expression of what God is doing in and through me. My mission is like nobody else’s. My calling is like no other human’s. And (thankfully) it’s not up to me to figure out when and where and how to organize the words and thoughts to share.

It’s up to me to pen the Lord’s story. He will be the one to guide my fingers to type the words in the order He has ordained. And He will use them. He will use them for my life – to nourish my soul, my creativity (which He graciously gave me), my relationships, my well-being. And He will use them in the lives of those who read them too.

My hope and prayer is that these words He pens through my fingers will work mightily in even just one person’s life. And that I would give my fingers over to His word every time I sit down to write.

A dear friend once reminded me:  the Lord has given me a desire to write and it’s not going away, so if I keep making excuses for not writing, I am not being obedient. I am disobeying my Father like a stubborn child. (And I don’t want to be a stubborn child!) 

I have things to say. Experiences to share. Dreams to share. Heartache to share. Survival stories to share. Hopes to share. And they change and are new and grow and evolve every day.

So, I am choosing to trust that the words will come. In the right time, and the right order. According to His will.

And my great hope is that in these words, you might find a piece of yourself or something that tugs at your heart in a way that feels familiar and comforting.